I use whatever grip allows me to securely grip the pick but keeps my fingers relaxed. Without the pick in your hand, curl your index finger as much as you can without causing excess tension and close your index and thumb together. When I played guitar, I found playing with a pick really awkward… it took me quite a bit of playing to get more comfortable with it and if I don’t do it for a while, it gets awkward again.
Normally I have a very relaxed playing style and almost never have trouble with pain in my hands but I do find though that whenever I’m working on some new techniques that im not familiar with, I’m much more likely to end up gripping the pick too hard or fretting too hard. The more comfortable you become with a technique, the easier it is to relax which makes it easier to play accurately and quickly.
I think people expect that playing with a pick should just be simple but I find finger style much easier.