When to cut your losses and move on

21

Both of these statements are absolutely accurate.

Both the band and the audience are each there for their own specific reasons, but both share a common goal: to have fun.

Depending on where one’s located, audiences might never glance at the band during an evening, or they might watch the band’s every move and hang on every note played.

Being from Austin, our crowds are definitely the latter type. The difference between here and some other places is that audiences are also always grateful for having live music and tolerant of players who do their best.

It’s a fact that both playing and listening is about having fun. If there’s no fun to be had, it’s time to do something better.

2 Likes
22

A good friend of mine (also a bass player) had exactly the same issue. He left the band and is a much happier person now.
He plays a lot at home or in the park now, getting into new stuff the band (= the guitar player aka singer aka song writer) did not.
His eyes are sparkling when he plays new songs for me, I haven’t seen him like that EVER.

He sure misses playing in the band, but he sees this phase as a preparation for a new band that he’ll find one day.

So: quit the band!**
**

I totally understand you. I also started writing songs recently, and it’s big fun. Some DJs and one band asked if I could write something for them, but I’m not there yet (@howard knows my issues: verses & chorus :-)).

My dream is to perform my own songs, as soon as I play good enough and I have overcome my natural shyness.
So: find a new band where you can play your own songs. That should be like dying and going to heaven :slight_smile:

This is why my girlfriend started singing on my songs: she doesn’t want me to get closer to the very nice girl that I worked with last year :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

4 Likes
23

Hehehe,

technically, I am still in a fun band at work, but they just replaced me quietly. The reason is that I’m on vacation when they play their summer gig.

Honestly, I am happy that this happened. The guitar player and the singer founded the band and it is their fun project. I was not happy with the guitar player’s level of play at all.

Now, rather than quitting myself, it just meandered away and there are no hurt feelings. I could still rejoin for a gig or a song even. Perfect!

@MattyD If you can, check out music schools, they might have options to get into multiple instruments. My local school offers that you can switch teachers from time to time. Just not on a now basis, you’d have to decide ahead of the lesson.

Cheers,

Antonio

2 Likes
24

Good idea on the music school. I think I’m being greedy, but I want to be a musician way more than a player of X. That way if I don’t feel like playing bass I can always find something I do want to play with.

4 Likes
25

They’re both musicians.

It’s a very broad field and there’s room for everyone.

1 Like
26

I love playing bass. If I’m in a band, it’s to be their bassist. I want to be a guitarist also, but thats for me. I’m happy as a basement guitarist trying to learn how to play Cure, Slowdive, and Cocteau Twins stuff. Tbh, I’ve been feeling another wave of playing more guitar than bass for awhile coming on. I think for how and what I want to do on bass, guitar makes me a better bassist also.

4 Likes
27

Nice. The hard thing for me is being intentional about learning rather than just noodling. Like it’s fine you want to pick up a guitar and just play along with Spotify but am I learning guitar or just improv/the fretboard…. With the right skills progression (like B2BA) you get fluency, the other way it’s more up to chance.

2 Likes
28

I’ve done a few different learning paths that are guitar focused. Justin guitar is a pretty good one thats similar-ish to TalkingBass. There’s another one thats a good parallel to B2B. I’m still at a point where I prefer more structured lessons on 6 string.

2 Likes
29

It’s a shame but it happens unfortunately - bands are hard work to keep together for a long time and as a lot of people have already said, you started in the first place because it’s fun and enjoyable, so you put the work in to get the fun and enjoyable parts.

If you stop getting the fun and enjoyment, then it’s time to leave.

I had to do the same in the band I was in. I miss playing with other people really badly, but it’s better for me to not be in a band that isn’t enjoyable as opposed to being in a band and not having any fun. Well, in my case, at the end it was downright miserable, so I had to cut my losses.

You never know what’s around the corner - you might end up in a completely different situation and end up going full on again!

4 Likes
30

Someone has never been to Wisconsin…

5 Likes
31

Or Florida

3 Likes
32

Uh, yeah…no. That’s way bullshit. :joy:

2 Likes
33

I wish you the best in finding a clearer and more advantageous path for your bass journey. I am in a similar situation.

The band I’ve been rehearsing with for nearly a year is really starting to aggrevate me for the same reasons. If we actually rehearse more than once a month it’s practically a cause for celebration. These guys are my age (60’s) and have been playing for decades. They were playing clubs in Seattle during the 90’s grunge scene. I’m the new guy in the band and also the least experienced in both playing an instrument and playing live.

When they asked me to audition (they found me on Bandmix) they had me all excited. They were talking about getting their sh*t together again and wanted to be ready for gigs by this summer. We’ll, summer is less than 3 weeks away and we aren’t even close to being ready. There is always someone on vacation or doing something with their jobs out of town or some other reason to not get together and rehearse. When we do rehearse one of the guitarists says he’s often following me because I know all the songs. Which is messed up, but true. I practice and work on the songs. It’s not uncommon for the singer to not know the lyrics, or one of the guitarists having to show the other guitarist the chords for a song we should already know well, or for the drummer to veto a song because he says it’s boring or they used to play it back in the day. I am frustrated and verging on angry.

The worst part is that I actually like these guys. They’re really decent human beings that I enjoy being around. When we are locked in it’s nearly magical. But that simply doesn’t happen enough to warrant any excitement from me any longer. If I just wanted a group of friends to hang with this would be most excellent. But I am not getting younger and want to use these skills I’ve been working on for these last few years. I simply don’t want to spend my “golden years" sitting around drinking beers, smoking joints, and talking about the past.

I believe it may very well be time to find a band that actually wants to play.

5 Likes
34

Oh man. I feel ya. It take a lot of work to keep a library of songs under your thumb

1 Like
35

The nice thing is it’s a renewable resource

1 Like
36

It’s difficult to keep a band together. Period.

It is the nature of the beast.

When players are young, there’s a lot of youthful enthusiasm and energy. And, often, drugs. It’s difficult to push the wet rope of discipline and dedication with guys who find that kind of stuff “boring.”

From personal experience, I remember one of the guys in a band I was in getting pissed when I emphatically asked everyone to show some professionalism after a gig, and get busy loading out of the venue. The guy in question (a longtime friend of mine) got in my face and snarled, “Why are you telling anybody what to do? Who made you boss?!”. I replied, “You wanna be boss? Cool! Then you wrangle these guys to quit fucking around and do what we came here for. ‘Cause I don’t want to spend the rest of the night here. Do you?” That did the trick, and things went much smoother from then on.

With later bands I was in, the issues of personality conflicts, lack of practice discipline, yada, yada, yada all came into play at one time or another.

With even older band members, issues of time priorities will inevitably arise: the band is a lark, something fun to do…life and mood permitting. Generally speaking, gone are the youthful (read, unrealistic) fantasies of stardom. It’s more of a “we’ll do it when we do it” kind of thing.

Now, this is isn’t to suggest that all later-life bands are like this. I realize not all are. But given the odds, many will be.

The point is: It’s hard to find/join/assemble the perfect combo of players to form a band that suits everyone’s personality, goals and schedules. And, if you do, it most likely is guaranteed to be a chore to keep everyone together/on the same page/satisfied as the band evolves.

At least, that’s been my experience over the decades. Just look at the vast majority of major, major bands throughout history. Band casualties are virtually always inevitable.

3 Likes
37

This is the #1 reason I haven’t seriously pursued finding a band to play with. Work is very demanding of my time, and oftentimes will be unpredictable. I don’t want to make a commitment, and then not be able to follow through with it.

( #2 is I suck, but whatevs! :zany_face: )

6 Likes
38

Hello Matty. You need to do what’s right for Matty. I was one of the founding members of Military Veterans Tribute band but I didn’t do any military . At one time we had 5 fellows who served in a variety of military programs. My function was to arrange gigs, which appealed to the Legions, and other similar clubs. The band grew to 10+ members, which did help with scheduling as we had fill-ins for every instrument. The problem was many places couldn’t handle a band that size. And having 4+ guitarists was pretty much over kill. I got an opportunity to work with a band who needed a bassist as they went through 6 players in under a year. I told them I would try to help them as I didn’t want to be in multiple bands. After the second gig, the job was mine and I walked away from the original band. We’re all still friendly as you never burn your bridges.

Good Luck, Paul

5 Likes
39

Before joining both band, I insisted that I wanted to be a drummer but almost like guitar players they are a dime a dozen, :rofl: they insisted that I play bass with them. They, however, will let me lose every once in a while and I get to play drums sometimes. Luckily except for the keyboard players of both bands who play every instrument the rest can play more than one instrument.

As a bonus, I promise to play openhanded style of Simon Phillip, left handed on the hats my drummer is kind enough to mod the hihat stand to be adjustable height because I need to have the hat about the same height as the snare.

Like playing bass I know 5 fills but I play it like a fool having a great time and catch some lookers and a few double takes. Some week that’s what I’m looking forward to do. This way everyone in the band gets to rotate what they play and keeping it fresh.

4 Likes
40

Love it. I’d also like to see your drum collection kind sir :rofl:

2 Likes