I think I’ve blown up the band…

Lounge
1

I think I’ve blown up the band…and I need to vent!

Those that “know” me via this august forum will know that I bash out the covers. But in addition to that, I also regularly play the band set list, currently 15 songs. To play these straight through takes about 45 minutes.

Last Thursday, the band did an open mic. A twenty minute slot, so with set up and tuning, it’s four songs. We were scheduled to be on at 20:10, the first band after the house band kicked off the evenings proceedings.

But we didn’t start at 20:10…oh, no!

We had arranged to be at the venue for 19:30, giving us time for a drink, the toilet (if required), a chat and verbal agreement regarding the running order etc. Trouble is, the vocalist didn’t show until 20:08, when she breezed in, demanding a run and coke. No apologies, no nothing. The house band were on their second filler song, waiting for us and were pretty annoyed as we were clearly impacting the overall timing of the evening.

Anyway, we get up on stage, plug in and start. Song 1 was ok, as was song 2 and 3. But song 4 was a complete crash. The vocalist completely messed up the chorus, twice. The chorus has a line that is repeated 8 times, then 4 bars of just drums and bass, before the verse starts again. The vocalist sang the line four times, then went straight into the verse. The band collapsed. Now ok, if, as the band, we were better, maybe we would have recovered, but we didn’t. We stopped and restated - drum and bass. Trouble is, the vocalist then did the same thing after the third verse, as we moved into the outro. This time we just played over the top.

The thing is, in rehearsal, the vocalist has a tendency to turn up and sing, holding the phone, i.e., vocalist doesn’t seem to learn the songs, the structure and well as the lyrics. So the issue of, say, habitually stying to sing over a bridge section, and of forgetting lyrics, is common. This could be addressed with feedback, but the vocalist won’t take the feedback, and also seemingly won’t listen to recordings of rehearsals, with a critical ear. The vocalist is also habitually late, and always rocks up with an excuse.

Anyway, I think I’m done with the band. Time to move on…

Rant over.

13 Likes
2

If the the singer starts using coke, trouble arrises! Either everybody gets into drugs or nobody :slight_smile:

11 Likes
3

Soooooooo, you didn’t fire the drummer?

Sorry, thought it was Talkbass

8 Likes
4

Ha!!

Ha!!

No, the drummer and guitarist are umm’ing and ah’ing about what’s to do. My view is get a new vocalist, but they (drummer and guitarist) are now doing the passive aggressive not responding to WhatsApp messages thing, which also frustrates me.

Anyway, I spoke to a vocalist yesterday that is interested in getting a band going…

5 Likes
5

Should be easy to get a vocalist. I play in the park around the corner as soon as the sun decides to shine … last week a very nice girl came over and started to sing while we were discussing music. She had the voice of a young Skye Edwards (from Morcheeba):

Of course she was like: “let’s start a band!”
That was the 2nd time last week that somebody wanted to start a band (the other time being an old - my age - guitarist asking).

I think I look like a bass player, but I am too shy and frankly too bad to play in a band … but if you look for band members … get into a park near you and just play.

They will come :slight_smile:

By the way: the girl started a reggae band one day after. Things are happening here in Hamburg.

7 Likes
6

The person I spoke to over the weekend might know a drummer, then all we need is a guitarist and we’re away.

Learnings from band 1:

  1. Align on goals and a plan
  2. Align on a set list
  3. Learn your part, in the context of the song
  4. Have a rehearsal schedule
  5. Practice at home, rehearse together
  6. Be open to feedback

There are probably more…

8 Likes
7

Why not just fire the singer? Tell the drummer and guitarist that you’re happy to be the bag man.

4 Likes
8

That’s what I suggested, but I got back umm’ing and ar’ing, and now the silent treatment. I’m now just thinking f*** it…

4 Likes
9

I think you have reached a new phase in your “career” … and will start with an even better band!
People that are “umm’ing and ar’ing” do not fit your personality…

3 Likes
10

There should/ought to be a band leader (of sorts). He/she should be the one to call the shots (instead of umming and clearing their throats). If the BL doesn’t step up, then, yeah, leaving might be the best option.

That said, I think it’s a bit sad, but there is probably no band without some degree of drama out there. The question is then what you can accept (and perhaps slowly work on) and what is absolutely non-negotiable for you.

I feel your “pain”/anger!

9 Likes
11

Thanks for sharing this — I can really understand how frustrating that must’ve been.

But as the Stoics would remind us: we can’t control others, only our own actions and responses. In this case, you showed up, you were prepared, committed, reliable. What others did (or didn’t do) is outside your sphere of control.

Sometimes, it’s simply about recognizing when a situation or dynamic no longer serves you — and letting go isn’t failure, it’s clarity. It’s a moment to redirect your time and energy toward something that aligns more with who you are and what you want out of playing music.

You’re moving forward, you’re learning, and you’re stepping away from what holds you back. That’s already a powerful step.

Keep going — and above all, keep playing for you. That’s where the real music begins.

7 Likes
12

Can relate.

I was in a band for 5 years up until recently where the lead guitarist and his synth playing wife broke up. This, combined with the never ending arguments in general led me to leave the band.

Its been about a month or so and now im just jamming alone but last weekend, the drummer and hus younger daughter, who also plays drums invited me back to the studio for a chilled jam, with the drummer on guitar.

It was such a nice, refreshing, fun jam. Made new songs almost immediately, all in a different style than the previous band ones.

We probably wont play that much and it’s just for fun, but at the moment, that fun is exactly what we’ve both been looking for, so at least there’s that.

Hope you get something sorted OP, it can be done!

9 Likes
13

@sunDOG dude just chill.

Take a big breath and step back and look at the positive. You got through your first open mic! 4 songs is a lot for a new band.

I agree with the other post that the band needs a leader. Someone to set expectations over and over. How much stage experience does she have? If it’s 0 then she should be praised for a great job. As should all of you guys.

Sh* always happens. The band needs to learn to keep playing without shooting each other panic stares. Maybe practice having each instrument dripping out randomly when you rehearse. The audience won’t notice as long as the music keeps going. “Oh they are putting their own spin on it” :rofl:

I think you would make a great band leader. I agree, the part about showing up late is bs. You need at least 30min early to chill out. I’m also not a huge fan of drinking before the show but that’s just me.

It sucks to use a tablet on stage but for right now if she’s really struggling maybe you just let her use it. There are plenty of mic stands so she doesn’t have to hold it. Eventually you’ll be playing 3hr shows and that’s a lot of lyrics.

Anyway, just breathe and have fun, practice more as a group. Give each other GRACE. Eventually you’ll need it too.

Finding people you get along with is hard and it sounds like you guys work ok together but just need to keep working.

If you are thinking of ending it I would instead just find another band to practice with for a while and make sure the grass really is greener on the other side. Maybe a more established cover band where YOU have to struggle and learn.

Music is hard work and no one’s commitment levels or schedule ever matches up perfectly.

Measure what’s good, refine, refine, refine. Also she might respond better to a 1:1 phone call rather than criticizing as a group. Explain how you guys are there for the audience and being early is part of, “stage experience and professionalism”.

Our singer is always last to stroll in too, 0 set up time… must be nice :rofl:

3 Likes
14

Wow @quadfather you should have recorded an album with them - it could have been your “Rumours” :+1:

Good luck with the new project!

7 Likes
15

Sorry to hear things are not working out @sunDOG man. As the Great Bon Scott once said, It’s a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll.

Maybe just kick the singer out? I get the impression you do most of the work for the band and so it may be a good time for an “it’s either me or her” moment? If it makes any difference I would totally sing with your band, but I can’t sing and I live about 1000 miles away. Still, you must have some half decent vocalists in your area?

When I was in a band years ago I fell out with the singer / guitarist / Colonel Tom Parker of the band when I told him I didn’t want to play one of his songs because it was shit. It was all about how he could have totally slept with this girl he knew even though she was begging him to do it but he was too much of a gentleman. Cringe eh? Also he couldn’t play or sing very well. And he insisted of cobbling together his rig from what he could find in the small ads so we always sounded like we were busking.

Anyway he took it badly, and I got kicked out of the band, and the house I was sharing with him. Oy.

Soooo… Rock and Roll man! :metal: :metal: :metal:

3 Likes
16

Go on give it a try @Whying_Dutchman . Unless you manage to score a gig with Phil Collins, you’ll probably start with small venues with friends and family - most of the audience will be drunk and the sound will be so bad they won’t be able to make out the bass. Just stand at the back and put the bass face on

2 Likes
17

I have thought time and again of quitting the “band” that I play in at work. Then I realized I’ve never spoken up about what I need. There’s one song where we make up the bridge as we go. Every time. Which drives me nuts and sounds bad. But I’ve been playing that song for a year now - so I really had ample time to speak out.

Anyway, I guess the moral is to speak often and early. At the point where you seem to be now, there’s just too much frustration in the air to patch things up easily. Maybe you can go back and tell people you needed to vent and wish you all had spoken about these things earlier?

Bands come and go! You’ll find the next gig. :hugs:

5 Likes
18

It was a good rant :clap:

It seems you have decided already…
I’m here only to share my contempt towards chronic latecomers. Do not keep wasting my (and everybody else’s) time :face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

3 Likes
19

I’d like to know in all of human history when someone is really worked up about something that the words “relax, chill out etc” have had the desired effect?

Answers on a postcard to

Jim’ll Fix It
BBC Broadcasting House
London

5 Likes
20

I feel your pain @sunDOG

I fired someone from our band a few weeks ago. Typical Canadian hand wringing about trying to be inclusive etc.

He’d had a year to put the work in and he wasn’t pulling his weight.

Now everyone else thinks I’m the asshole for firing him. But secretly they’re happy someone nutted up and did it.

Another name added to the long list of people who don’t like me :man_shrugging::sunglasses:

Life’s too short to waste on the lazy.

I’m reminded of a line from the fantastic movie the Big Short

“Truth is like poetry. And most people fucking hate poetry.”

8 Likes