Yeah, I’m not going to pretend I can relate to or even understand any of that, but it sounds rough. Glad you’re back!
9 Likes
No reason for you to, I would not want it for anybody, and kind of wish I didn’t know about it either.
Thanks
10 Likes
That was a great read. Glad you made it through the other side.
5 Likes
Sounds like you went through hell and back Toby @T_dub. Hopefully all for the better.
Welcome back!
4 Likes
@T_dub I haven’t read your update yet. I plan to later today when I can give it my full attention. Welcome back!
5 Likes
Remember this part of one of those crazy stories. I knew going in that they fucked me. I knew when they first told me that was the only thing I could have I was fucked.
Had I been given the right meds, and tapered off, I would have had one, maybe two or three days of feeling a little off, and been done. Period, end of story.
I was already super sick back then, so really, I would have not even noticed.
Its funny, I read thru the one I wrote this morning, and it is pretty easy to read thru and follow, with minimal errors.
I just went back and read all the other posts, beck before I got home, and they are all hard to follow and broken up and misspelled (and I was on the ipad, and auto correct and the fact you get a small window that is hard to really read and keep track of where you are in the story, that is only a small % of why they are like that) and there are just sentences that run no where and some that make no sense. Even I had a hard time trying to figure some of it out, while reading it today.
Plus
I remember I wrote, but half of it I don’t recall even writing, or some of the sarcastic jokes, I don’t even recall thinking, let alone writing.
Thats all how mind fucked that medication had me.
Now, only 12 days later, II can think and read and spell, and get out much clearer thoughts then before.
I did forget to mention how I am now. I had to go and cut off the story a little short for it to be complete, I had a meeting to catch.
I did go thru hell, but I did come out the other side. I actually feel 4000x better. I feel way more than half alive, I went in feeling more than half dead. Don’t get me wrong, I still have issues, mostly with pain and knees and all that, and I still need major knee surgery, probably replacement, but I am walking around 40x better then I was. I literally could not stand up from a chair without extreme pain in my legs, and then, I had to stand still for a while before I could even take a step.
Thats gone.
Seriously, I can stand and go. I don’t have pain getting in and out of bed, I don’t have pain so bad I can’t walk to the front of the apartment complex and back without my knees feeling like they are about to buckle. I can do so much more than before its not even funny. It is as if I just finished doing months and months and months of work to get to how I feel today, compared to how I felt 12 days ago. Months, if not years to see this kind of change., and it happened in less than 2 weeks.
Why
Cuz they gave me Poison. I knew what they were giving me and told them NO. But they know better than me, so they get to decide. If this world were fair, I would be able to put them on what they put me on, and say, DEAL WITH IT FUCKERS.
Thanks for everything guys.
7 Likes
Good to see you back @T_dub
Good on you for getting through that shit and getting through the other side. Took some mighty big cahoonas to not only do it but then write about it
6 Likes
Just hope, maybe somebody will read it and it will give them the strength to get thru what they going thru. and it gets it out of my head. I just hope it does not offend too many people.
8 Likes
Glad to see you back
4 Likes
Sweet Jeebus!!!
That casual “usually” in that quote kicked me like a mule… I can’t even imagine one of those “trips” and you have done so many you have a “usual” reference 
I am even more grateful now that I have managed to keep a lid on my demons so far…
7 Likes
Thanks, how are you, did you have that operation already?
Hope all is well.
2 Likes
Yeah, it’s not as many as that would make it seem, but for the record, one is too many. I do not recommend it for anyone. 
4 Likes
All is well, thanks for asking. My operation went well and I go in tomorrow to get my wound check done. Most annoying thing is I’m not comfortable with my bass against my belly, where there’s like 6 incisions. I should be back playing this week though.
5 Likes
thats great news, I am so glad you are doing good, and could get thru it without Pain meds. As uncomfortable as that may be, it is still better than even the most mild withdrawal symptoms you can get after a week on those.
3 Likes
I have to confess, they gave me Oxycodone but I only took 6 in total, getting by with Tylenol. I was off after the first couple of days.
5 Likes
Really glad they gave you something.
5 Likes
Yeah, there is no shame in that.
I have to get either Major knee reconstructive surgery, on Both Knees, or total knee replacement on both knees. I am hoping for total knee replacement.
That would allow me to get by on only tylenol, and walk within the first day or two.
Major reconstructive surgery will be a long, painful recovery, and will most likely require me to take Oxycodone, and that is one of my favorite “Feelings” of all the opiate family, so that is NO GOOD.
I had 5 years clean from 2009 to sometime in 2015, and I had a head / brain injury, and I had to be on Oxycodone for a couple months. I kicked that one pretty easy, with some other RX meds, and it was all ok, but that taste led me to messing around here and there. It was not until 2018 that I ever had a habit, small and short lived as it may be, it was still too much.
Then in 2019 was when I went out bad. And I went out on a mission to not come back. I did more damage to myself in 6 months then I had previously in 27 or so years of hardcore drinking and drub abuse.
But I was a “Functioning Addict / Alcoholic”, so It took me to get very bad and lose everything once to finally stop back in 2009, and it took even more then that to get me to stop this time in 2019.
6 months between May 2019 thru October, and about $80,000 later, (Yeah, I know, thats A LOT OF BASSES AND BASS GEAR"), and looking like a Zombie that was about to die (Zombies don’t die, so thats bad) I Finally checked myself in.
It was Gravy til I got that leg infection and was put Methadone. It is no good at all. It is not a great feeling drug, and it is just keeping you from getting sick, with horrible side effects, worst of all is bad anxiety.
But, if I had reconstructive surgery, I may end up on some painkillers. And I am not going to do anything at that same hospital just to make sure I don’t end up back on Methadone again.
IDK when I am going to have the knees done, I still have 2-3 months of Physical Therapy to do, and a couple more shots in my knees to have before the insurance will approve surgery. But that was my major motivation to get off methadone, and it still is my driving force so I can go out and get all this stuff taken care of over the next couple months, so I can get my knees back.
New knees = Surfing (And Snowboarding in winter), and being able to go up and down stairs, and and stand up with no pain, and just a better all around life worth living. So for me, that is a pretty motivating factor.
3 Likes
I should clarify, I had been hospitalized prior to 2015 when I was CLEAN, and was given opiate pain killers while in there, and gotten out and not had a problem.
It was the time that they sent me home with medication that I can ration, and take as much as I want, when I want, to FEEL how I want, that I had a problem. Plus When I am at home on them, I can justify a “Call to the man” cuz I am already taking opiates by Dr. prescription, so my opiated brain tells me its ok to do that, when it is absolutely not ok.
So, it is not right for them to not give me the things needed in the hospital while I am there. I just don’t need them after that, cuz it is risky.
3 Likes
I had my first of many knee surgeries when I was around 20, anf they gave me Percocet, and I had a hard time kicking that, so I have been careful ever since.
4 Likes
My first of many was on my left knee from playing Soccer, at age 10 or 11, I can’t recall, but I was in 5th grade.
I backed that up with another injury to the same knee, the very next year, but that was 4x worse.
My right knee problems were from a car accident I should not have made it out of, when I was 18. Compound fracture of my right femur. I had a femoral rod surgically implanted for a year, then had it surgically removed, and have had a few knee surgeries on either / or, in the years that followed.
They used Demerol back then (horrible stuff, makes me irritable and violent, even at a young age), but still, I had a taste at an early age, and my predisposition to addiction, its just all bad.
But I hear you, knee pain, and even the surgery to fix the pain is nasty stuff, I would not want anybody, especially not younger people, to have to go thru it. Sports do play a part in a lot of bad knees in many people, but still.
And thats just my knees. I still got Wrists, Elbows, Shoulders, Fingers, Head, Brain, Cheek, Eye socket, and ribs on the list.
3 Likes