I am back, had a lovely time.
Was the biggest mind fuck I ever had. It was weird, and really kind of made me go crazy for a while, then I got sick and it was over quick.
I felt like the normal hell I usually feel, with added pain, not only cuz the instant cut off of Methadone, much much more from the bed, it was way less then Ghetto Fabulous, and it was about the most painful part of the whole thing.
Then the Anxiety, never had anxiety like that before, that doubled with the bed made for my rating of 5 golden plated shits for this whole experience.
Not that it was a totally unfamiliar process, but the timing and tempo of the whole thing was really out of wack. And the intensity was way reversed.
Usually it goes,
1 - check in, get searched, turn you phone in, drop your bags in the room, see the Dr. Get some COMFY MEDS. - 3 hours.
2 - anxiety kicks in at 3 and gets to about a 10, meanwhile, you start going to the bathroom about every 20-30 min, probably still constipated for the first hours, then soft, then loose by end of this stage. Joints are aching, stomach cramps, and hot flashes, and some cold sweats. - 9 hours
3 - Shaking starts stomach cramps turn to nauseous, bathroom less frequent, but loose to liquid, watery eyes, sniffles or runny nose, joints are cracking and bones ache. lots of sitting / standing / sitting / standing and shifting while sitting and walking circles while standing - 6 hours.
4 - Bones are hurting, blood feels like lava in your veins, freezing cold, but sweating buckets and skin is on fire, shaking turns to mildly convulsing, and sitting turns to laying down anywhere on anything, then rolling around trying to get comfortable, standing and pacing, lots of kicking of the legs when laying or sitting, hence the term KICKING, and you just want to take your skin off completely and hang it in the closet. and there is this sneeze that is kind of hard to explain, but its a Sneeze over a sneeze before the first one is done then another ontop of that one before it is done, and it just keeps going, sneeze ontop of sneeze, maybe two sneezes before the first stoped, and it won’t stop. you hold your nose, then breath and it keeps coming back until you can finally hold your breath long enough for it to go away. it does, but it will be back, sure thing. 6 hours
24th hour - drop an 8 or two of Subs, and wait for about 3-7 minutes.
after that, it all symptoms back off to manageable. they are all there, but they are not nearly as severe, but its so much better, pulling you out of "I want to Die" and dropping you off at "I feel shitty, but death is not the best answer".
next 4-8 days, taper down to no subs and feel better.
OK, now I will tell you how this trip went.
Stage 1 - 6 hours - same thing as the first example. but longer and no searching or phones being taken???
Stage 2 - 6 days - mostly the same as the first example, but anxiety starts out at 7 and less bathroom stuff and not alot of sleeping.
Stage 3 - 5 hours 45 min - not the same as the first example, and much of the symptoms from stage 1-3 in the first example are not there or nearly as intense, but the ones that are there suck. MOSTLY restless in bed, no sleep, rolling side to side, sitting up for about 5 min, lay back down and repeat. bones aching, back especially, skin chills, mild sweating.
stage 4 - 15 min - Sit up, not wake up, cuz not a wink of sleep that night, ,start shaking, reach for water, almost puke on the floor, restless, can’t sit still, shifting side to side, and then it comes, the sneeze that seals the deal.
7th day - take a 2 strip of Subs, not an 8 like in the first example, but I am scared as hell while doing it, cuz its not THAT bad yet (my kick), and IDK if its coming still, or here already, and this 2 strip can kick it from Bad into totally FUCKED, if the timing is wrong. See, if it took so damn long to come on, and I am barely past stage 2 in last example.
Am I really in it, or do I have another 21 days to go before it is bad enough?? If the timing is wrong, then I will be putting myself in way worse situation,
At the same time, I don’t want to feel like this now, so I figure, take the 2, thank god its not an 8, cuz I would be 4x more FUCKED if this goes south on me.
But the anxiety and restlessness make you say Fuck it, at least if its not all the way here, it will kick in all the way here, now, and no more waiting with mass anxiety, and now more pain and way more discomfort. So if I take it, it will be a shorter time for me to wait.
So I did, and thankfully it did not really kick if up, it only really kicked it sideways, but, at least it kicked it off without putting me in a worse spot…
Now, at this point, I am still in a big fog. ??? who knows how long it will last, IDK, its a mind fuck, will it go, will it stay, will it come, will it leave, who knows, this should have been gone already by day 7, and it just only started today.
Ok, so that was how it happened, not like it usually does in the first example, and the worst part of it was the pain from the bed and the anxiety of waiting for it to come.
I actually HAD to convince myself they were not coming and I was fine, to get them to get here. I had thoroughly convinced myself they were not coming about 2 hours before it got here, which was about 2am Monday morning.
Then, after starting the Subs with a 2mg strip (I should have said this earlier, Suboxone comes in strips that melt under your tongue, in sizes ranging from 2-12), I was scheduled for a 7 day taper, but my goal was for 3. any longer and I have a chance of having to KICK the Suboxone, with mild to moderate withdrawals, and because it is about as long in your system as Methadone, I would not be able to tell if it were an aftershock from Methadone, or the Suboxone kicking in. In reality, so best to stop it before it gets embedded in my brain.
on day 1, I was feeling better after taking the first one, but it felt like it was still kicking some of the old methadone out, and some of the symptoms got worse, like stomach cramps and gas pains, but the restlessness was cut off and I could lay still. I took another 2 strip 3 hours later and another 2 hours after that, then another around 6pm. Feeling OK, but anxious and sore, usually I am only just barely able to function on the first day of Subs.
I woke up with cold sweats at about 3am, and was a little restless, so now its day 2 (of my taper, really its day 8 there) and, I got 4mg, 2 strips at 8am, and 2 strips more at 12pm and 2 more at 6pm. Usually on day 2, I am fucked in bed. I had a good day, so, not too bad.
On morning 3 I woke up covered in sweat, and was really cold, but not freezing, and dried up pretty quickly, so I dropped another 2 strips, had another day of feeling good actually, and took another 2 strips at 7pm.
Day 4, woke up, felt ok, they came to give me 2 strips at 8am, and I said, No, not now.
They kept telling me if I didn’t take it I couldn’t take it til 5pm, but I said, no, its as needed. we argued about this for a little bit until I told them to get the chart and look it up.(this medication is never set up as needed, always set up on a schedule, but mine was not.). so they looked, saw it, but wanted to double check with the Dr. They came back and told me, OK, you don’t have to take it now, but if you don’t take it by noon, you have to wait to the next dose.
I said thats fine, if I don’t need it by noon, I am out of here.
so, I came home yesterday, I was good after 13 hours that morning at 8, and still good when I left at 3pm, 15 hours after the last dose I took at 7pm on Wed. I did take 4mg when I got home at 7pm last night, 24 hours after taking the last one, but I had some at home already, so thats no big deal.
I took one more 4 strip today (yesterday now), and may drop a 2 or 4. each day, for the next day or two after that. But that was the way they set up, a 7 day taper, its not like I am just following some long thing that I just made up. I can be done by Sunday which would be the 7th day, but take way less than what they wanted me to take overall, cuz I can regulate my doses, there it is take it now, and take what we give you, or don’t get it from us again…
Plus, I could not stay in that bed for one more minute no less, one more night.
So, that was my Sandals Caribbean vacation, Photos coming later. NOT.