This is the way. 
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We have long used the term “mandolin face” in our house after watching some bluegrass thing on teevee years ago where the mandolin player had his face on the entire performance.
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I just watched the video from tonight’s open mic night. I look like I’m admiring my fretboard they way I would a steak on my plate 
Delicious notes… Delicious.
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Hunger is as hunger does.
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Interesting what you say about making mistakes during a performance and you are quite right in that, just like when competing in a sport, it doesn’t help to focus and ruminate about the mistake while the race is still going on.
During practice, on the other hand, it seems the opposite gives better results. As soon as a mistake is made, it’s useful to dissect, root cause and attempt to fix the mistake before continuing practice. It apparently gives better results. This is from the book “The Talent Code”.
Following that method, instead of jumping in a race car to practice a track for the first time, you first practice in a simulator, especially one that allows to “restart” and focus on specific parts of the track. This is what has made Max Verstappen the Numero Uno in Formula One. His dedication to spending time on the driving simulators much longer than his competitors (including some more advanced games which are simulators in disguise) has paid off.
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Here’s a crazy one for you: I can practice a song and feel really good about it, and my husband - my husband, mind you - will say “play it for me” and I may as well be playing the song wearing mittens I screw it up so bad.
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Any change to how you practice can also cause issues. Practice it sitting, standing, facing backwards, smiling, to the original song, to the song with no backing track.
The other day there were only 2 of us practicing and we played the song through these big PA speakers. It really distorted the vocals and sounded completely different. At first we tried to dial it in but then realized, Hey wait this is hard to play to but REALLY good practice!
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This makes heaps of sense to me.
The most nervous, shaky, almost-passed-out-from-not-breathing I ever got was when I was practicing for my senior recital as a bass major in college.
I was working on some solo bowed classical pieces (that were far beyond my skill range, but I was determined to play regardless).
It was spring, right around Easter, and my extended family were all gathered for a big Easter party.
I asked to perform some pieces of my recital for them. Practice performing always helps, and this was my first practice performance.
I was so nervous and critical and a mess, I swear I almost passed out. I was forgetting to breath, my hands were so shaky I couldn’t hold the bow steady… it was terrible.
Performing for anyone can be absolutely nerve-wracking, even if they are beloved family.
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Because you have gone from “playing with” to “performing for”.
Keep it play. Keep it interactive.
Happens to me and my wife all the time. I play Bass, she plays piano, we’re both about 6 months in. If she’s in her room playing I can play along with her from my room and everything goes just fine, but if she or I ask the other to come listen to something real quick, that seems to be when the mistakes happen.
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That actually brought back a memory from a zillion years ago. My sister and I took piano lessons from the same man. At the recital, I was a nervous wreck playing solo, but when we played our duo, I was cool as could be. Somehow playing with her as opposed to by myself calmed my nerves. I’m sure there’s some sort of performance psychology there.
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Body doubling helps out quite a bit for those of us with neuro-atypical grey matter. Wouldn’t be surprised if there was a (performance) anxiety connection as well.
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This video came across my feed today and made me think about your frustrations:
In terms of the way I’ve been thinking of what it means when I play “wrong” notes. One of three things can happen:
- I can drop the note completely. This isn’t wrong. It’s just extra negative space.
- I can hit a different pitch: This isn’t wrong. It’s just dissonant. It’s adding extra tension that I will be more satisfying when it’s relieved later.
- I can play on a different rhythm. This… could be an issue, but isn’t necessarily. Chances are I’m not breaking the rhythm. I’m either stretching or compressing it. All depends what I do later. (Listen to Snoop Dogg rap for a masterclass in this.)