Initially, I was afraid my show notes for this video would just be:
“Kristine laughs for 7 minutes 32 seconds.” This was funny as hell. But then my ADHD voice kicked in and almost a thousand words later… 
T-shirt check: Iron Maiden!
0:00 Aw, it’s always nice to see Noob Josh.
0:01 (checks chapter title: Batman’s 5 String Agenda) Uh, oh.
0:03 Oh, sh~t – that voice!
0:05 EVIL 5 STRING BASS!!! (Ella: Look! An ACTUAL bass face!)
0:14 Noob Josh, no! Beware strangers with candy 
0:18 Josh looks like he is about to lose it laughing.
0:24 Aw, Young Josh, learning to play…
0:27…uhhhhh and now I feel a little dirty 
0:30 “7 Reasons Not to 5 String” Josh must have nerves of steel putting something like this out on the interwebs
0:33 “5 String Solutions” because Josh absolutely knows his audience.
0:36 Josh snaps his fingers and a 5 string appears. He performed this dark magic in the Les Claypool video as well. Coincidence? Foreshadowing? Is he a Jedi, or something more…sinister? (no, I’m sure it’s fine - we all have darkness and the light, right?)
0:48 “I think I’m having muting problems.” E5 begins gaslighting Noob Josh.
0:55 Yes, we want to sound like regular, non-muddy, Larry Graham Earthquakes.
1:19 “Your little practice amp” (feigns indignation) Heeeey
1:27 (screams comes from the mud-slide earthquake) Poor Noob Josh, killing them softly with his song.
1:30 Floating Thumb – great visual! Trying to read descriptions of this technique doesn’t do it justice. It’s better to see it (for me, at least).
1:51 “Hm, why aren’t the notes changing?” lol I’ve had this discussion many times
1:58 I’m starting to feel weirdly protective of Noob Josh. (yells at screen) You don’t have to put up with that, Noob Josh!
2:07 “You hear a weird noise you weren’t expecting” All. Day. Long. Even when not playing bass. Is that sad trombone from the Price Is Right?
2:12 “4 + 1 = MORE HARD” To verify, I put all the math from this video into an excel spreadsheet. It checks out.
2:15 “For more in depth mathematical observations” Music is math, so this also checks out.
2:34 I like how the letters in all the chapter title slides are rumbling.
2:40 “Can’t stop my B string with the rumbles” [disgruntled Noob Josh face] Now E5 is just doing that on purpose. And I think Noob Josh is catching on!
2:50 ACCU-wut?
2:54 “Your thumb loves to hit the wrong string” Or…no string at all!
2:57 “…a big fat B string interfering every time you try to slap the E string” I feel like I have a special relationship with the E string (love – it’s love) and I really wouldn’t appreciate another string interfering with that I DON’T CARE THAT B IS LOWER
3:04 “hit box” (scribbles in my terminology notes)
3:15 That sounds really good though…(slaps self in the face Stop that! Not interested in a 5er)
3:19 MOAR NOTES
3:25 “Got it.” 
3:27 [Noob Josh cries tears of music theory] There, there, Noob Josh – it’s OK. (covers Noob Josh’s ears, whispers: this doesn’t even go into all the sharps and flats)
3:28 Anyone else look for secret hidden messages about music theory or the Illuminati? No? Just me? OK.
3:34 Fretboard Money Notes video – a personal fav!
3:42 “25% more notes to learn” (checks spreadsheet) Yep.
3:44 “I hope I didn’t lose you there” (snort) Dude, I have a spreadsheet
3:59 Ooooh, Josh in the wild!
4:07 “I kept expecting the B string to be the E string.” [Dell’s head whips around to look at Josh-in-the-wild] I’m really glad I read your comment explaining that you hadn’t played the wrong notes there, and that he was just a singer groovin’ in the moment because otherwise cringe lol
4:20 Just MOAR – 5ers are extra
4:23 [Noob Josh falls over] Ella: Oooh, Noob Josh is weak! (Don’t tell him she said that please)
4:33 “My bass!” [Kristine chokes on her coffee]
4:55 “You really don’t need to be taking out a mortgage on your first bass” Mortgages are only required on basses #2-25
4:57 “Plus you could spend a fraction of that cost on something more practical. Like…I don’t know…maybe my step by step Beginner to Badass course.” It’s ridiculously well priced for the quality and amount of instruction, and that you can watch it over and over and over and over… [unpaid testimonial]
5:13 “If you bust out low Bs, Cs and Ds on a Motown tune, it just don’t sound right.”
5:16 [Noob Josh tries to play it straight.]
5:19 [Regular Josh comes in with massive bass face]
5:21 E5: I’VE GOT SUNSHIIIIIINE
5:21:05 [Ella and Kristine fall off sofa laughing; replays clip multiple times.]
5:51 [5 String Noob sits on extra-low notes all day; seems to question his 5 string choice]
5:54 E5: I thought it was cool [YMMV - K]
6:14 “…start mellower and then build that intensity with purpose, it’s actually exciting.” This approach has many applications…
6:22 …annnnd not everyone understands that.
6:31 “That’s 1.4 reasons per string!” (checks spreadsheet) This checks out.
6:40 [high-pitched voice]“Oh, I wonder if I can do it” Pre-B2B Kristine feels slightly attacked, or at the very least seen, but in a funny way. 
6:54 “My advice is a strong no” Feels like someone is goading people into disagreeing and telling him otherwise, because there’s nothing the interwebs loves more than correcting other people (change my mind!).
7:08 “all these sexy five string clips” OK, yeah they were pretty sexy but…I’d still rather come home to my 4 string.
7:15 “I’m going back to 4 string.” Good choice, Noob Josh – E5 didn’t treat you right!
7:27 “There is no escape! You must have more strings.” Oh sh*t – it’s Djent Vader!
7:29 And The DjEntporer!
7:30 “Guuuuuuuulp!” Change your cell number, Noob Josh.
Props on your crafting skillz with the googly eyes and eyebrows, @JoshFossgreen ! That’s quality.
Cliff