Thank you for your thoughts, @papkerry ! You point out an important fact - men are often discouraged from showing their full range of emotions, which is damaging to them and dangerous for the world. Anger seems to be the one acceptable emotion for men to show.
I agree that kindness is key to living a good life. Kindness requires information and context, though. I can’t count the number of times a man has observed me working on something, deciding for themselves that I didn’t know what I was doing or I needed help without asking or talking to me, stepping in and sometimes ruining my project, then getting huffy when I didn’t thank them for their effort, and labeling me as ungrateful. “I was only trying to help!” I find women are more likely to ask before offering help.
Especially since we are all headed towards different goals! That’s what I love about this forum - we celebrate each others achievements, no matter how big or small. Because each step we take in our bass/music journeys matter.
@kristine , you are fully on point here. As men, we are typically schooled that yes, we have emotions-but a real man overcomes that childish sort of thing and muscles through. This leads to a lot of muted responses and quite often anger and depression.
I’m pretty sure they’ll cut a corner off my man card for this, but that’s just a bad way. I try to listen a little more. To understand just a little better. I still fail at this regularly, because it’s new to me.
And yes, we think we instinctively know how to do or build anything. And yes, even when we mess the while thing up we expect admiration. I’ve told the women in my family to come to me when they need my opinion or assistance, so much easier for all of us that way.
The more vocal, bullying man-card members might, but I’m betting there are a LOT of men who absolutely agree with you. I think men, like women, are under pressure to conform, and that sucks for everyone. Anger and depression literally kills people. There are better ways of feeling.
I wish you could see the smile on my face reading this. It’s an unexpected gift.
I’d like to express my gratitude and, ahem, ADMIRATION to everyone willing to discuss this topic with such thoughtfulness. Quite the forum @JoshFossgreen has managed to create here. (and look! another LOTR reference! )
My dad passed away when my mom was pregnant with me, so I grew up with a single mom in the sixties (not a lot of single moms then) and we had to pull our own weight. Which meant I had to do household chores.
My mom also had a master’s degree which was also unusual. And I grew up witnessing the travails my sisters went through.
And one of my sisters is absolutely brilliant, they all have PhDs, and I’ve been in awe of them since I was a toddler.
So I never bought into the macho thing.
One of my favorite film makers is Hayao Miyazaki, who makes wonderful stories where boys and girls may partner, but a girl never needs rescue by a boy. She does it herself.
Hello Badasses! Popping back in prior to returning to the fold properly. For those who know me from the past, you’ll appreciate why life in Scotland today may be a little bit of a trial.
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