Damn. That is rough. I hope everything goes well with your daughter’s recovery.
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Thank you
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I was planning to – but it won’t happen, I’m afraid.
In August 2018, my wife suffered from a small cerebral stroke.
We had planned to somehow rekindle our love for making music, and my wife, who has a guitar background, was interested in learning to play bass, so we thought, once her recovery is well under way, we could try and pick that up.
We are now more than one and a half year further, and it has become clear that her recovery will never get to a point where she could even relearn to play guitar or anything of that complexity – getting dressed in the morning is something she has to consciously think about (think “Now I have to put tooth paste on the toothbrush”…), she still has trouble forming coherent sentences, and from here on, no significant progress is expected.
So in the end, it turns out that I’m on my own, bass-playing-wise.
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Sorry to hear that.
My daughter did have a small stroke, luckily in an area of the brain that would not affect her from having a normal life, it will pretty much not be noticed in her life.
However, when she was taken to the hospital she was in cardiac arrest, and it was a fight to save her life.
She was in an induced coma for about 8 days, the whole time, all we knew for sure was that her brain was certainly oxygen starved ore an unknown length of time. So, we didn’t know what she was going to be like when, if she would come out of it. They did an MRI and saw the stroke, but told us that, at that present time, that was nothing to worry about, we need to hope and pray that she lives, and she is not a vegetable, and that her heart, liver and kidneys all come out ok.
Fortunately after8 days they were able to take the breathing and feeding tubes out, and she was coherent and breathing on her own.
Unfortunately, her foot had to be amputated. And for that, I am truely greatful, because I could have lost a daughter.
It is a bummer that you two can’t do the course together, but I am sure you are ok with that being a small drawback, and that you still have time on earth with your wife.
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Wow, that sounds like a LOT to have to go through, @T_dub . . . 
Hope all continues to go well for you and your daughter, and best wishes for a full and speedy recovery 
Cheers, Joe
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Man, between this and the info in the other thread it sounds like you folks have been through a lot. Really admirable that you’re keeping a good attitude and it’s great that you will be able to enjoy this with your daughter.
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I had to come back here and admit it.
I’ve been binging myself – on the Music Theory Comprehensive course from Jason Allen at Udemy.
I haven’t practiced or even played bass in two days – I’ve just dug into this course.
Not everything in there is new to me, but over the last two days, on top of waking up, and refreshing, stuff I had learnt in a previous life, I’ve discovered a lot of new knowledge – and I feel a lot of pieces of the puzzle fall into place.
The MIDI keyboard I got a week ago definitely contributed to this newfound enthusiasm, and also helps putting this into practice. 
But, yes, I am binging. I am now aware that I need to make sure I won’t walk into the overfeeding-my-brain trap that I outlined earlier in this thread… 
I promise I will pick the bass from the wall tomorrow again. I have deployed an old trick – when I enter mystudy annex listening room, the first thing I see when I stand into the door opening is
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I’m not okay with that. Not in the least. But the main reason for not being ok with that is because I see every day how her diminished abilities bother her – she is acutely aware of how it affects her, and she hates it. She acutely misses having the mental capacity that she had. It’s a huge drawback, a monumental setback, especially since we know it will never improve.
We’ll have to make do with what she can do today, and we’re not at a point where this feels remotely comfortable yet. This causes a lot of frustration, and that, in turn, tends to send us into a downward spiral. We fight quite a bit more than we used to, and then we hate ourselves for that. And that’s a cycle that’s hard to break.
That’s what keeps us up and running – the alternative would have been a lot worse.
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I in no way meant to minimize the severity of your situation @peterhuppertz. I wholeheartedly apologize for it coming out that way. Poor choice of words on my part. I was comparing it to my situation, where Although my daughter lost her foot, She did not lose her life. For that I am ever greatful. And you are correct, her losing her foot is a rather large setback, so I see your point.
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Really sorry to hear you folks are going through this. I admire your strength.
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I wasn’t interpreting it as such. Better reply later, when I am near a keyboard…
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As I said, I did not interpret it as such.
Don’t let your daughter read this, but:
When she’s just out of hospital, and in a recovery phase, that gives ground to optimism.
I remember buying my wife a wooden heart, which has the text “It’s all gonna be alright, sweetie” (in Dutch)… and at the time, we really believed that everything would be alright, because the recovery progressed well (as it does in the initial recovery phase)… and the things she couldn’t do were, at that time, things she didn’t feel like doing anyway, so she didn’t miss them as much.
But when progress slows down, and the initial enthusiasm is dampened, this changes. If any of the damage is permanent (such as losing a foot), the realisation about what this means for the patient’s life creeps in.
Be prepared, @T_dub – somewhere down the line, she’s gonna need your support. It won’t be a walk in the park. Pun not intended… but not avoided either, otherwise this will be a very bleak comment in this thread. 
In my wife’s case, it was probably somewhat different, because she has always been quite bright… and she still is in her own way. But her capacity for processing information, or compiling and communicating information, has been seriously impacted. Her short-term memory is affected negatively too. As a result, she is now distrusting her own mind – she thinks she’s not right in the head.
We had never seen this coming, and now that we know, it hits hard.
But if we didn’t see it coming, how could you? I would never think of accusing you or anyone of taking this too lightly.
Anyway, I’m rambling.
When frustration hits her… be ready. Listen, and primarily acknowledge it, allowing her to be frustrated and validating it. Don’t tell her to concentrate on what she still can do… but do help her in discovering this herself, and remembering it when she goes through a rough patch.
For your sake, I’m hoping the loss of the foot will turn out to be the only lasting “inconvenience”. I seem to remember that you said she also had a small stroke?
Is she out of hospital yet? How is she doing? Any rehabilitation planned?
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Yes @peterhuppertz, I am happy to report she got out of the hospital on Friday. I have been on the forum a little less since because I have been spending time with her. Because of Covid, I had not been able to visit her for the last 6 or so weeks she was in the hospital.
I am also proud to report that she has started the course.
She lives with her mother, and After having Madi here on Friday and Saturday, her mother decided hat she should not be coming over here due to Covid. She doesn’t allow my youngest daughter (16) or her youngest daughter (8) to go out during the lockdown, so she is doing he same, makes sense.
So, I am about to pack up my stuff and head over there for some more of Module 1.
Thank you for all the wise words of what to prepare for and how to handle any set backs that come along the way.
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Update: finished today. Now what?
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Do it again? I am doing arts again, but I started the scales course at Talkingbass.net last night. There are a few modules there that will be helpful until B2B 2 is ready. I am considering a teacher at some point soon as well, hoping when ready @JoshFossgreen will ba able to take on a new one, or recommend somebody that can.
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Thanks @eric.kiser, I have seen that. I have gone thru many, some over and over. I started the free starting to the scales course the @PamPurrs mentioned, and so far it’s review of what B2B has taught me, but I a,m in the very early part of it. Just thru the intros and first 3 lessons. After 5, you have to pay for the course if you choose to complete it. I do like it. He is not @JoshFossgreen, but he is good and keeps it upbeat, I am sure I will learn lots if I continue it, which As of now, I do. Along with going thru B2B all the way thru with my daughter ( on Mod 1-4 as of now), and whatever else I can find to do, as well as practicing and doing finger exercises that I have found and like, and just playing for fun too. No better way to wait out a Virus I can think of 
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I know this is irrelevant to everything that is above this in the thread… but I really love that black tele hanging on the wall.
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That was my first instrument. I bought it second hand after I had … somewhat made peace* with the fact I’d never be allowed to have a drum kit (too noisy for an apartment, and electronic drum kits did not exist in the late sixties), and before I figured out I would like playing the bass better.
It’s a cheap copy, but it sounds absolutely gorgeous. I fell in love with it on the first chord. It completely ignores the amp you hook it up to, producing a warm, clear but not bright, transparent tone. Play a chord on it and you’ll hear each note in the chord – which means it is very sensitive to precise tuning too. Too bad the tuners are a bit crummy. 
*) I have actually never completely made peace with that. Fornicate, fornicate, fornicate…
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Specifically check out this video. Are You an Intermediate Bassist? (17-point Checklist) It will give some perspective on where you are and what you need to work on.
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