“You Can’t Hurry Love” by Phil Collins, composed by The Supremes
I rushed thrice and dragged once in this cover, but it’s a good example of how noticeable it is on bass in an otherwise decent cover.
So there’s a little bit of backstory to this song for me, which I will open up about. It’s quite personal. I wouldn’t be breaking my Rush streak if it weren’t.
I moved here to Japan about two and a half months ago to study at a religious university, despite being out of school for ten years. It was a turn of events, if you will. This uni is quite small with only about 250 students, about 10% of which are international like me. And indeed, I did meet someone here that I was interested in. She has an abundance of the qualities I am looking for in a partner, more than just about everyone I have met so far, especially now that I am in a season where I feel very much ready for a relationship.
I gave myself two months to think it over, and I did seriously consider letting be because she did make me feel rejected a few times by simply interacting with other people instead of me, but I think that’s more because I’m sensitive to that sort of thing rather than her avoiding or being repulsed by me. I talked it over multiple times with my mentor, and he never concluded that I shouldn’t at least try. I’m inclined to trust him because he actually did recommend cutting off my previous love interest back in early 2025.
After two months in Japan, I still liked her; the emotions didn’t go away. I asked her out last Thursday, June 4. I was pretty confident in my idea for a date, which was to tour some famous mochi places and to watch the sunset from an elevated position, specifically because she mentioned that mochi is her favorite confection and that she misses watching the sunset back in her home country. I was also quite surprised that it happened so soon in the month of June; I was kind of expecting God (don’t worry, this isn’t preachy) to make me wait until at least the 21st or something before I was even given a chance. This was also the first time I’ve ever asked a girl out.
Sadly, she declined. To quote the girl exactly: “That sounds really fun, but I’m going back to [my home country], so I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”
This was not a surprise to me. I was ready for her to say no, and to accept it if she did. I replied, “Yeah, I figured you’d say that, because if we started something now, then it would become long-distance for at least a few years. Personally, I was willing to go through that, but if you’re not, or if you’re just not open, I completely respect that, and thank you for being honest.” And she has every right not to be open.
We chatted for a bit, then when we got to the dorms, I concluded by saying, “Anyway, thanks again for being honest, and I’m more than happy to remain on talking terms with you.” She gave me a beaming smile, and we parted ways.
It’s been just under a week since then, and much to my gratitude, her mannerisms around me haven’t changed. She’s still comfortable to be around me and does not actively avoid me.
Of course, I am disappointed. I could see a bright and harmonious future for the two of us because of our common interests, purpose, and of course beliefs. I think it could have worked out very nicely in the long run. But she said no, so that’s that.
I took away five things from this:
- I really did appreciate her honesty, because my previous love interest gave me a “not yet” when she really meant no. I interpreted it accordingly and was devastatingly heartbroken a few months later. I would much rather a girl tell me no than “not yet,” but actually mean no.
- I really did mean it when I said I was happy to remain on talking terms, to still be just friends with her. With the previous love interest, I told her that too, but it wasn’t actually true in hindsight. It was either be mine, or begone.
- Starting a relationship is nowhere near as complicated as I thought it was earlier in my life. You literally just ask a girl if they’d like to do something with you, and it’s preferable to cater that thing towards her interests, towards the sort of things that she’d do anyway, on her own volition.
- The radically extreme hard work I’ve put into bettering myself in the past 7 years really did pay off, because it’s made me a million times more trustworthy and harmonious than I was 4 years ago and prior. For her to still be totally happy to be around me (she joined me and some other students for some (sober and PG) party games the other day, and she sat across from me in the cafeteria today) is a sure indication that she trusts my word when I said that I respected her not being open to a relationship and that I was happy to stay just friends with her. If she didn’t trust my word on that, she would be avoiding me.
- I still haven’t fully accepted this, but her response showed me that I’m not as unattractive as I thought I was. Sure, girls don’t like me (at least, not in obvious ways), and as you have seen from my videos, I’m not conventionally attractive. I don’t have a fit bod, long, flowing, golden locks, and that Californian surfer boy image. I spent most of my life with next to zero romantic attention from women. But I’m perhaps not repulsive, either. She said my date idea sounded “really fun” and the primary reason for her saying no was that she’s not going to be here in Japan for much longer and that she’s simply not open to a relationship.
That’s the thing: she’s not open to a relationship right now. If she were, and if she were planning on staying here, she’d probably have a boyfriend already, and if not, then I think there’s a reasonable possibility that she would have said yes. So it’s not necessarily me.
Now sure, the fact that she’s leaving is an easy cop-out, which is why I haven’t fully accepted point 5 yet, but… it’s worth keeping on the radar, I would say.
This song was something I listened to on repeat back in late 2024 and early 2025. At first, it was a way to encourage my feelings, but then it more or less became a way to cheer me up, however little it did. It’s serving a similar purpose now, only my emotional response isn’t actually anywhere near as extreme as I expected it to be. I’m a little bit sad, but I’m not depressed or heartbroken like I was last year.
So by doing a cover of this song (plus it’s pretty easy), I’m redemptively expressing that feeling of sorrowful patience along with Phil Collins himself in the spirit of The Supremes.