OK, I am venting here and apologize in advance. I just came back from an audition, had to play four songs and yay, was happy about how I played, did not make any mistakes as far as I can tell. I want to find more musicians to jam with to get more band experience so I really worked hard on the songs I performed in order to get a shot.
Here is the feedback I received: We love how you play but as a band, we actually look for a younger guy. That would gel better with the other band members and our audience. So double whammy, I am too old, I am 64, and I am a woman, that eliminated me from playing in this band although I am a good enough bass player according to them. I packed my gear together and left just before I started crying. This is not the first time this happened to me. Am I the only woman slash elderly person who experiences these kind of refusals which are not based on my skills as a bass player? OK, time to get cake or a margarita or both to wash down the disappointment. LOL Rant over. I hope your days goes better than my one.
@Silvia I know this is frustrating for you but when I read that my first thought (other than being personally embarrassed, as a guy, that this happened to you) was that you really dodged a bullet here. This is not a band you would have wanted to be in, and while painful now, better to learn that up front.
We have a thread here dedicated to awesome women on bass and hopefully that can be encouraging. Here in Japan it’s really common for girls to be holding down the low end in a band. Now it’s likely because all the dudes want to be the guitar heroes, but hey, let them fail at that I say. Always happy to see more women on bass.
Silvia,…. I am not a girl, (I’m an old 70+ YO retired dude) but I have seen this happen many times in the local music (band/group) world…. As a matter if fact, I may have been one who could have said what was told to you after your audition - I’m only gonna be honest here so please don’t hold the wrath of God or purchase a Voodoo doll of me to poke on…
Here’s what I’ve experienced……
Guy Groups - (the experienced ones) only want other males in the group because female musicians are distracting to the other male musicians…. Take this comment for what it’s worth please……
This is something that I have experienced first hand a couple times with several groups over the years…… It’s sad because the groups aren’t looking at the musicians “talent” vs “gender”,… but are looking more into how the future of the group will gel as time goes on…… Bottom line is that “Mixed Gender” groups are a very difficult challenge…… So much so that many of the bands I’ve played with over years have even recused to bring female vocalists into the band but would always have female songs in our set lists so that any female vocalists in the audience could come up and sing…
My guess is that you’re an attractive female bassist that will draw attention…. I know this is gonna sound lame, but if there is an all girl band out there, go for it…. If not maybe you can start one…… Or, if you are involved in a church group, they do tend to be more open to male/female musicians playing in their church/worship groups….
I’m sorry for what’s happened with your experience and can only try to apologize for the male ego that tends to overshadow who WE all are as Human Beings……
Keep On Thumpin’!!
Lanny
Thank you Lanny for your feedback. As a teenager, I used to play in an all female punk band lol. My husband also told me to be happy not having to play with these jackasses and look for other opportunities. I do play in church and sing backup. Have a good day!
My husband said the same, “Why are u crying? Do you really want to play with jackasses like that?” LOL Oh well, I just want to play. I don’t really care if the band members are young or old or male or female. I don’t understand why this is such an issue. Thank you for your kind words.
I’m in the you dodged a bullet camp, also am ashamed for my gender. Rock on sister.
Yo @Silvia ,
That band you auditioned for totally blows
Real humans would never discriminate
Your always welcome here and all the best in 2024,
Cheers
I am also amused (in a laughing at, not laughing with kind of way) with guys that pull this shit. Like, what kind of weird fail-bro toxic masculinity is this exactly? Sure, you rockstars go have fun up in your “No Gurls!!!” treehouse; the rest of us will be down here jamming with the ladies.
I now have F-Chopper “we won’t give you a record deal cause no one wants to hear a girl slap” Koga on the mind. Time for some G-Spin
I listen to a lot of female bands these days, not from a gender thing but they are innovative and have something to say. Music doesn’t have a gender
I know, it sucks big time…!!!... But unfortunately it does happen, and happen a lot…… When I played guitar in other bands, I can mention twice over a period of about 6 or 7 years when having a female member in the band developed into a problem…. With one band, the drummer left his wife to have a relationship with the female vocalist…. In another it was the lead guitarist……
Please don’t get me wrong here…. The problem wasn’t with their abilities as musicians, the problem was that relationships outside the band developed…. It’s those relationships that cause the problems…… Many spouses of musicians have seen this happen…… It’s a real thing and has nothing to do with the abilities of a musician trying to join a group as much as it has with the group trying to avoid future problems….
Yeah, but… in those situations, the problem wasn’t that the singer or guitarist were female. The problem was some guy was at a point in his marriage where he was ready to cheat, and the person he cheated with happened to be in the band.
If the band had been all male, the guy would have hooked up with someone at work instead. Or their favorite bar. Or wherever else they spent a lot of time when their wife wasn’t around.
The temptation was there regardless of the band situation. It’s not as if there had been no woman in the band that those guys’ marriages would have magically been fine. “She tempted me” is a BS excuse.
Lilith got a bad rap 
I’m sorry you’ve had this experience. I haven’t tried to join a band yet but often see ads for specific age ranges, not so much gender. I think for most people it takes some maturity and life experience to get to this point:
In all their stupidity, they were probably more concerned about age cause you don’t fall into the hot f*ckable bass chick category they could have taken advantage of one way or the other.
This is the kind of guy we need:
Hey, I think the band was just too dumb to NOT invite you. They should have known beforehand that their criteria don’t match your profile.
And you look great, by the way. 
Cheers,
Antonio
PS: I play bass because of a girl who played bass at my first ever time in a biker bar. She played three notes and I was hooked, on the instrument, on how confident, cool and everything else she looked.
In the true spirit of punk you should have given them the finger and kicked their cheesy little amps over 
.
They’re probably worried how their hair looks on instagram or something
I agree Howard. I am married for 15 years. I am not fooling around with anybody and still get the message, well we can’t hire you because we band bros might hit on you and that’s not good for the band? What the hell?? I find this a sad argument to not have bass players or musicians in general of mixed genders in a band, but obviously, that’s the reality. I just want to play bass in a band with other musicians and if these musicians are Orang-Utangs but play some awesome music, I am happy to join them if they need a bass player. I won’t look up their genitalia first.
Cheating on your wife! Why would you do that?
That’s important bass playing time you’d be wasting by doing that. Madness 
I just think this band was not a good fit for you so you’re lucky in the end. They’re immature boys (whatever their age) and it would not have worked long term. Band is more worried about appearance than playing and too childish to say no without being insulting; yeah would not have worked out.
Finding a band that shares your outlook would be much better than joining with these posers.
However, it still sucks to have someone reject you because of your gender in 21st century. So you have every reason to be upset — then have your revenge by finding another band without jerks like these.
Still happens every hour of every day. I’m not even convinced it is slowing down, from a global perspective.
40 years ago when my brilliant sister was in med school at Yale, one of the physicians told her it’s a shame she was a girl she could have made a good doctor otherwise and I still get pissed thinking about it. It sucketh indeed