Hi Sue, you are spot on. I already found a great bunch of people who offered to jam with them. I am a happy camper again :-).
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I bet that drummer in the vid is Hana, who convinced Koga not to give up on music and together they formed G-Spin. Koga is a unique talent
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Oh it definitely is, sheâs even credited, but you can recognize her.
Thanks so much for posting this here, and thanks heaps to all of the rad lady bassists of our forum who have shown up with comments and POV for this.
Thanks heaps for the perspectives, @julia.mahncke and @dragthelake20 - to get a glimpse into what a shit show it is out there is always disappointing, and a bit of a call to arms.
The music world as a boys club is very lame.
The female perspective on playing, teaching, learning, and joining the world of playing (or, um, really everythingâŚ) is something that I know the entirety of the bass world is lacking, and it certainly isnât something I can pretend to offer.
I think everything has pretty much been said, but I wanted to jump in and +1 on a few great points that were made.
+1 to @soulman and @lee_editorial for the words about being clear with age and expectations in the postings. I canât stand feeling like Iâve wasted my time aiming for a thing that was a foregone conclusion in the first place!
+1 to everyone that said âbullet dodgedâ.
Iâve seen every type of gendered band out there on the stages and clubs and festivals of the world. When people are looking to play good music with good people and theyâre all mature and confident and they arenât secretly still trying to live out their Fleetwood Mac rock-and-roll-love-capade daydreams⌠it can all work out.
You just need to find some actual real grown-ass adults who want to play music.
They exist! And, as you said, you already found them.
Too bad you have to hack your way through the weeds and dumb to get there.
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While I know the sentiment was meant to be supportive, I just want to say, I think youâve every right to cry. Your emotions, your reactions, and your response are, first and foremost, yours â not anyone elseâs. As a communications teacher, I try to remind my students that, while itâs easy â and even seems sympathetic and supportive â to say to someone that they shouldnât be sad, upset, angry, etc., itâs rarely helpful and often reflects (unintentionally) a limited and limiting experience of the world. âThereâs a correct way to view this situation â and itâs my way.â Men tend to be worse than women in this regard because we are more or less âprogrammed,â as it were, to âfixâ stuff.
The irony (someone could rightly point out) is that Iâm arguably doing more of the same with this little speech. (âArenât you telling everyone else what they should do and say?) Fair point. My intention, though, is say to you that you have every right to cry, cuss, ask questions, point fingers, etc. as you deal with this. It is cry-worthy! And I think thatâs what this community is essentially saying. This sucks, and itâs no wonder that you walked away feeling rejected, pissed off, or whatever else.
Logically, itâs probably true that the band would not have been a good fit. But their dismissal of you wasnât based on logic; it seems to have been based primarily on age and/or gender, which are factors outside of your control. You may have âdodged a bulletâ by not getting involved with those guys, but you were grazed by the cheap shot fired at you â and wounds (big and small) hurt and take time to heal.
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From top to bottom the music world is full of those with egos their level of talent canât even come close to matching. Joining forces with them is usually a disaster in the long run or at the very least a waste of our time and energy as players. Theyâre toxic and more often than not always searching for someone to fill a role theyâve created in their own minds for that person.
Some of the most talented musicians Iâve ever been around whose egos were always kept well in check are guys whose names are on album covers and some even in the Rock 'n Roll HOF. They donât put other players down they encourage them because once they were just like us before their big breaks came. We all had to start at the bottom at one time. Even them.
I firmly believe that some of the more satisfying times Iâve had as a player are those where Iâve actually walked away from deals I knew were not good for me to get involved in and in almost every instance a person with a massive ego and too little talent to match it was involved. I didnât lose a damn thing by walking away. I actually gained more self respect because of it.
IMHO and IME toxicity is not a component you want in any band or gig.
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Hi Silvia,
Sorry you experienced this! As others have said, I think you dodged a bullet with them to be honest, but I can understand how itâs still disheartening.
I share a similar issue, worrying about being a woman, but Iâm ALSO left-handed. So I feel like when the time comes and I am looking to join a band, Iâll be singled out for being too âawkwardâ. People worry a lot about the aesthetic of a band, rather than the music.
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Wow⌠if that happens, run⌠get away from those idiots as fast as you can as you are only wasting your time with such morons. How can left-handedness have ANYTHING to do with making music??
My favorite bass player is a lefty and I have never thought about that fact while listening to him playing. I think this becomes a challenge mostly when trying to find (used) instruments, but it has zero to do with how good people play or whether there is a common musical interest and understanding when playing together.
And just imagine they had kicked out Paul McCartney because of being a lefty⌠
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Exactly! Iâm more bummed out about the fact that I donât have free reign with the models I want to buyâŚ
If anything I feel like a lefty bassist and a righty guitarist fit together better on stage, in my personal opinion 
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I see you have your priorities in order - planning for those public appearances already 
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I have an active imagination!!
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They are missing out because of their own stupid attitudes. If they were about the music and not their dumb stereotypes theyâd be happy to find a good musician. How do they know how youâd gel with the band when they didnât even try - they just assume things about you that are likely not the case at all. Now theyâll never know what great things mightâve come out of having an eclectic group of musos. You are beautiful, and you are enough⌠I bet they smell bad too 
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The only thing I understand about this case is the age thing. Iâm in my 30s and I know that I absolutely wouldnât want to play with people more than ~5 years younger than me. This is due to my age complex - I feel that I started playing too late and I would look funny and feel stupid surrounded by âkiddosâ in their early 20s, who are much better than me.
However, I wouldnât mind playing with people 10, 20, 30+ years older. But - because it always works both ways - I understand that THEY might feel uncomfortable with me, for the same reasons I have.
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LOL You made me laugh, ooooh that smellâŚyour comment made me listen to that Lynyrd Skynyrd song lol
Well if you are smiling, my work here is done 
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Sadly Iâve turned down more than a few people who auditioned for us before, mostly musicians and not singers. They were too young. They got chops but lack maturity. Many piece we do are improvised if you donât know how to play well with others you canât play well,
Like driving, it takes time to mature.
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Well, Les Claypool once auditioned for Metallica and they turned him down. So think of the company you keep.
Theyâd probably say the same to a Gail Greenwood or a Kim Deal or a Tina Weymouth etc. Wholly missing the musical point and, frankly, the opportunity to stand out from the rest of the all male band lineups that find themselves endlessly more fascinating and original than all the other all male bands lineups. Colossal lack of imagination I reckon. Enjoy that margarita and give âem an FU with your wicked new punk bandâŚ.
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Well that blows, but Iâm another vote for âdodged a bulletâ.
Iâve been scouring Craigâs and Bandmix lately trying to meet other musicians, and as a 687 month old dude Iâve had some⌠interesting experiences. Iâm up front about being a dust-farter just off of a long break from playing, but had a guy nope out on me last weekend while we were parked in front of the studio weâd agreed to meet at 2 minutes before we were scheduled to play. A hair-metal band didnât like the âdad sneakersâ I wore to the audition, and edited their ad to include a dress code that afternoon, because nothing says Heavy Metal like a dress code⌠Horrible people are musicians, too. At least they all tend to end up in bad bands together. Fortunately my living room dad jam looks like itâs going to metamorph into an actual band, so no more risking death to go audition for strangers. Hang in there!
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